On 'Rupture' and 'Repair'

Many tensions within relationships can usefully be looked at through the prism of a concept much used within psychotherapy: the idea of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair.’ For psychotherapists, every relationship is at…

Why it's OK to Want a Partner to Change

We live in a culture that firmly suggests that the essence of true love is for one person fully to accept the other, as we like to put it, just as…

On Arguing More Nakedly

In long-term relationships, whatever the pleasures, we are – statistically speaking – likely to spend up to 10% of our time caught up in the intoxicating and all-consuming business of arguing.…

Do You Still Love Me?

Our societies have a lot of patience for people who are in anguish at the start of a relationship because they need to know if they are loved – but a…

Why We Need to Feel Heard

One of our deepest longings – deeper than we even perhaps recognise day to to day – is that other people should acknowledge certain of our feelings. We want that –…

Five Questions to Ask of Bad Behaviour

People around us often behave rather badly – and when they do, we tend to rush in with some very punitive explanations: they’re trying to hurt us, they’re deliberately attempting to…