Calm • Anxiety
On Panic Attacks
Panic attacks often belong to a family of self-destroying behaviour, created by feelings of loss of control in situations of high expectation.
Full Article Index
- 01. The Anxiety That Never Ends
- 02. Politics, Mental Health and Virginia Woolf
- 03. The Fear of Losing Control Over Our Bodies
- 04. On Feeling Manic
- 05. Ostracism Anxiety
- 06. The Need For A Modern Monastery
- 07. Why the World Can Seem So Frightening – and How to Make It Feel Less So
- 08. Four Ways of Coping With Anxiety
- 09. Might You Be Hypervigilant? A Sombre Questionnaire
- 10. A Question to Ask Ourselves When We're Feeling Low and Paranoid
- 11. The Importance of Not Knowing
- 12. Why We May Be Addicted to Crises
- 13. The Causes of Obsessive Thinking
- 14. What Our Bodies are Trying to Tell Us
- 15. Anxiety-as-Denial
- 16. Our Anxious Ancestry
- 17. Auditing Our Worries
- 18. Why We May Need a Convalescence
- 19. Don't Hope for the Best; Expect the Worst
- 20. The Age of Agitation
- 21. How to Sleep Better
- 22. How and Why We Catastrophise
- 23. On Being 'Triggered'
- 24. OCD — and How to Overcome It
- 25. How Mental Illness Impacts Our Bodies
- 26. Signs You Might Be Suffering from Complex PTSD
- 27. On Skin Picking
- 28. Stoicism and Tigers Who Come to Tea
- 29. The Seven Most Calming Works of Art in the World
- 30. After the Storm
- 31. Thoughts for the Storm
- 32. Emotional Maturity in a Crisis
- 33. Preparing for Disaster
- 34. How to Stop Being Scared All the Time
- 35. The Ultimate Dark Source of Security
- 36. What Everybody Really Wants
- 37. Simplicity & Anxiety
- 38. A Way Through Panic Attacks
- 39. Self-Hatred & Anxiety
- 40. The Question We Should Ask Ourselves When Anxious
- 41. On Anxiety
- 42. The True Cause of Dread and Anxiety
- 43. On Being Scared All the Time
- 44. The Importance of Having A Breakdown
- 45. On Asking for Help
- 46. The Normality of Anxiety Attacks
- 47. On Panic Attacks
- 01. Six Reasons Why Being Single is So Awful
- 02. When We All Lived in Villages...
- 03. The Letter You May Need to Send to Save Your Life
- 04. Might I Be Feeling Lonely Rather Than Worried?
- 05. A Place for Despair
- 06. On Being Gaslit In Our Childhoods
- 07. How to Make It Through
- 08. When Our Battery is Running Low
- 09. The Many Moods We Pass Through
- 10. When I Am Called to Die
- 11. If You Stopped Running, What Would You Need to Feel?
- 12. Can We Live With the Truth?
- 13. Five Questions to Ask Yourself Every Evening
- 14. Why Things May Need to Get Worse Before They Can Get Better
- 15. The Limits of the Conscious Mind
- 16. Why Life is Always Difficult
- 17. What is a Transcendental Experience?
- 18. Building the Cathedral
- 19. Rewriting Our Inner Scripts
- 20. What Sleeping Babies Can Teach Us
- 21. How to Endure
- 22. Everything Is So Weird
- 23. Escaping Into History
- 24. The Inevitability of Choice
- 25. What Would Jesus Do?
- 26. Stop Worrying About Your Reputation
- 27. You Still Have Time
- 28. I Will Survive!
- 29. On Trying to Control the Future
- 30. A Few Things Still to Be Grateful For
- 31. No One Knows
- 32. There is No Happily Ever After
- 33. The Catastrophe You Fear Will Happen has Already Happened
- 34. There is Always a Plan B
- 35. The Consolations of History
- 36. The Lessons of Nature
- 37. What Others Think of You - and The Fall of Icarus
- 38. On the Sublime
- 39. Gratitude for the Small Things
- 40. Why ‘Earthrise’ Matters
- 41. On Flowers
- 42. The Valuable Idea Behind the Concept of the Day of Judgement
- 43. The Wisdom of Animals
- 44. The Lottery of Life
- 45. Untranslatable Words
- 46. The Wisdom of Rocks: Gongshi
- 47. Wu Wei – Doing Nothing 無爲
- 48. The Faulty Walnut
- 49. Perspectives on Insomnia
- 50. On the Wisdom of Space
- 51. Memento Mori
- 52. On the Wisdom of Cows
- 53. On Calming Places
- 54. Why Small Pleasures Are a Big Deal
- 55. The Consolations of a Bath
- 56. The Importance of Staring out the Window
- 57. Clouds, Trees, Streams
- 58. On Sunshine
- 01. The Consolations of Deep Time
- 02. Keep Going
- 03. The Wisdom of Liming
- 04. The Ecstatic Joy We Deny Ourselves
- 05. Why Illusions Are Necessary to Achieve Anything
- 06. Preparing for a Decent Night of Sleep
- 07. Returning Anger to Where It Belongs
- 08. Controlling Insomnia – and Life – Through Pessimism
- 09. How to Be Cool the Yoruba Way
- 10. Why We Should Refuse to Get into Arguments
- 11. The Perils of Making Predictions
- 12. Making Peace with Life's Mystery
- 13. The Promise of an Unblemished Life
- 14. Daring to Be Simple
- 15. Haikus and Appreciation
- 16. The Call of Calm
- 17. What Would Paradise Look Like?
- 18. How to Process Your Emotions
- 19. The Wisdom of Dusk
- 20. The Appeal of Austere Places
- 21. How to Go to Bed Earlier
- 22. Why We All Need Quiet Days
- 23. The Benefits of Provincial Life
- 24. How to Live in a Hut
- 25. For Those Who (Privately) Aspire to Become More Reclusive
- 26. The Hard Work of Being 'Lazy'
- 27. Expectations - and the 80/20 Rule
- 28. Taking It One Day at a Time
- 29. Spirituality for People who Hate Spirituality
- 30. How to Spill A Drink Down One’s Front - and Survive
- 31. How To Stop Worrying Whether or Not They Like You
- 32. On Soothing
- 33. What Is Wrong with Modern Times - and How to Regain Wisdom
- 34. The Disaster of Anthropocentrism - and the Promise of the Transcendent
- 35. On Needing to Find Something to Worry About — Why We Always Worry for No Reason
- 36. How We Are Easily, Too Easily, 'Triggered'
- 37. Hypervigilance
- 38. If The Worst Came to the Worst...
- 39. The Wonders of an Ordinary Life
- 40. In Praise of the Quiet Life
- 41. The Pursuit of Calm
- 42. Insomnia and Philosophy
- 01. The Most Beautiful Woman in London
- 02. What Love Looks Like
- 03. Reasons Not to Give Up
- 04. What Goes With What
- 05. Eight Rules to Create Nicer Cities
- 06. The Secret Toll of Our Ugly World
- 07. Henri Rousseau
- 08. Albrecht Dürer and his Pillows
- 09. On the Consolations of Home | Georg Friedrich Kersting
- 10. Francisco Goya's Masterpiece
- 11. How Industry Restores Our Faith in Humanity
- 12. Rembrandt as a Guide to Kindness
- 13. Buildings That Give Hope - and Buildings That Condemn Us
- 14. Katsushika Hokusai
- 15. Agnes Martin
- 16. The Importance of Architecture
- 17. The Secret of Beauty: Order and Complexity
- 18. Le Corbusier
- 19. Two World Views: Romantic and Classical
- 20. Oscar Niemeyer
- 21. Against Obscurity
- 22. Why Do Scandinavians Have Such Impeccable Taste in Interior Design?
- 23. Art for Art's Sake
- 24. Why We Need to Create a Home
- 25. Why You Should Never Say: ‘Beauty Lies in the Eye of the Beholder’
- 26. Andrea Palladio
- 27. Why Design Matters
- 28. On Good and Bad Taste
- 29. On How to Make an Attractive City
- 30. Art as Therapy
- 31. On Ugliness and the Housing Crisis
- 32. Johannes Vermeer
- 33. Caspar David Friedrich
- 34. Henri Matisse
- 35. Edward Hopper
- 36. Louis Kahn
- 37. Coco Chanel
- 38. Jane Jacobs
- 39. Cy Twombly
- 40. Andy Warhol
- 41. Dieter Rams
- 42. A Therapeutic Approach to Art
- 43. Christo and Jeanne-Claude
- 44. On the Importance of Drawing
- 45. On Art as a Reminder
- 46. On the Price of Art Works
- 47. Secular Chapels
- 48. Relativism and Urban Planning
- 49. What Art Museums Should Be For
- 50. On Fakes and Originals
- 51. The Museum Gift Shop
- 01. What We Might Learn From The Dandies of The Congo
- 02. The Beauty of Komorebi
- 03. The Past Was Not in Black and White
- 04. The Drawer of Odd Things
- 05. Why Middle-Aged Men Think So Often About the Roman Empire
- 06. The Consolations of Catastrophe
- 07. What is the Point of History?
- 08. What Rothko's Art Teaches Us About Suffering
- 09. The Value of Reading Things We Disagree with
- 10. Easter for Atheists
- 11. The Life House
- 12. Why Philosophy Should Become More Like Pop Music
- 13. Why Stoicism Continues to Matter
- 14. The School of Life: What We Believe
- 15. Cultural Mining
- 16. Lego – the Movies
- 17. Philosophy – the Movies
- 18. History of Ideas – the Movies
- 19. Sociology – the Movies
- 20. Political Theory – the Movies
- 21. Psychotherapy – the Movies
- 22. Greek Philosophy – the Movies
- 23. Eastern Philosophy – the Movies
- 24. Art – the Movies
- 25. On Aphorisms
- 26. What Comes After Religion?
- 27. The Serious Business of Clothes
- 28. What Is the Point of the Humanities?
- 29. Why Music Works
- 30. The Importance of Music
- 31. The Importance of Books
- 32. What Is Comedy For?
- 33. What Is Philosophy For?
- 34. What Is Art For?
- 35. What Is History For?
- 36. What Is Psychotherapy For?
- 37. What Is Literature For?
- 38. The Joys of Sport
- 01. Following in the Buddha's Footsteps
- 02. Six Persimmons
- 03. The Four Hindu Stages of Life
- 04. Rice or Wheat? The Difference Between Eastern and Western Cultures
- 05. Eastern vs Western Views of Happiness
- 06. Four Great Ideas from Hinduism
- 07. Zen Buddhism and Fireflies
- 08. Six Ideas from Eastern Philosophy
- 09. Wu Wei – Doing Nothing 無爲
- 10. Kintsugi 金継ぎ
- 11. Buddha
- 12. Lao Tzu
- 13. Confucius
- 14. Sen no Rikyū
- 15. Matsuo Basho
- 16. Mono No Aware
- 17. Guan Yin
- 18. Gongshi
- 19. Wu Wei
- 20. Kintsugi
- 21. Yinshi
- 22. Why so Many Love the Philosophy of the East - and so Few That of the West
- 01. Charles Dickens's Secret
- 02. Giuseppe di Lampedusa — The Leopard
- 03. Sei Shōnagon — The Pillow Book
- 04. Kakuzo Okakura — The Book of Tea
- 05. Victor Hugo and the Art of Contempt
- 06. Edward Gibbon — The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
- 07. How to Read Fewer Books
- 08. The Downfall of Oscar Wilde
- 09. What Voltaire Meant by 'One Must Cultivate One's Own Garden'
- 10. James Baldwin
- 11. Camus and The Plague
- 12. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
- 13. Charles Dickens
- 14. Gustave Flaubert
- 15. Fyodor Dostoevsky
- 16. Marcel Proust
- 17. Books as Therapy
- 18. Jane Austen
- 19. Leo Tolstoy
- 20. Virginia Woolf
- 21. James Joyce
- 01. Red Flags for Everyone: How Therapy Has Made Love Harder
- 02. What Should A Good Therapist Do For Us?
- 03. The Usefulness Of Speaking Your Feelings To An Empty Chair
- 04. What's the Bit of Therapy That Heals You?
- 05. Why We Need Therapy When We Give Up on Religion
- 06. How Psychotherapy Might Truly Help Us
- 07. Why You Should Take a Sentence Completion Test
- 08. Carl Jung's Word Association Test
- 09. Freud's Porcupine
- 10. How Mental Illness Impacts Our Bodies
- 11. How the Modern World Makes Us Mentally Ill
- 12. Twenty Key Concepts from Psychotherapy
- 13. Why Psychotherapy Works
- 14. The True and the False Self
- 15. What Happens in Psychotherapy? Four Case Studies
- 16. The Problem of Psychological Asymmetry
- 17. Freud on Sublimation
- 18. Sigmund Freud
- 19. Anna Freud
- 20. Melanie Klein
- 21. Donald Winnicott
- 22. John Bowlby
- 23. A Short Dictionary of Psychoanalysis
- 24. Jacques Lacan
- 01. The Pleasures of the Underground
- 02. Why Small Pleasures Become a Bigger, Not a Smaller Deal, the More We Suffer and Age
- 03. You Are Living in the Greatest Museum in the World
- 04. When Something is Beautiful...
- 05. Albrecht Dürer and his Pillows
- 06. How Giraffes Can Teach Us to Wonder
- 07. Sun Worship
- 08. The Importance of Dancing Like an Idiot
- 09. Walking in the Woods
- 10. Getting More Serious about Pleasure
- 11. On Going to the Zoo
- 12. The Fish Shop
- 13. On Small Islands
- 14. On Stars
- 15. On Grandmothers
- 16. Up at Dawn
- 17. On Crimes in the Newspapers
- 18. Driving on the Motorway at Night
- 19. On Sunday Mornings
- 20. A Favourite Old Jumper
- 21. Holding Hands with a Small Child
- 22. Feeling at Home in the Sea
- 23. The Book That Understands You
- 24. Old Photos of One’s Parents
- 25. Whispering in Bed in the Dark
- 26. On Feeling That Someone Else is So Wrong
- 27. The First Day of Feeling Well Again
- 28. Figs
- 01. The Wisdom of Liming
- 02. Three Essays on Flight
- 03. The Wisdom of Islamic Gardens
- 04. A World Without Air Travel
- 05. Walking in the Woods
- 06. Why We Argue in Paradise
- 07. The Advantages of Staying at Home
- 08. The Wisdom of Nature
- 09. The Holidays When You're Feeling Mentally Unwell
- 10. The Shortest Journey: On Going for a Walk around the Block
- 11. How to Spend a Few Days in Paris
- 12. Why Germans Can Say Things No One Else Can
- 13. Travel as Therapy - an Introduction
- 14. Lunch, 30,000 Feet – for Comfort
- 15. The Western Desert, Australia – for Humility
- 16. Glenpark Road, Birmingham - for Boredom
- 17. Comuna 13, San Javier, Medellin, Colombia - for Dissatisfaction
- 18. Pumping Station, Isla Mayor, Seville - for Snobbery
- 19. Eastown Theatre, Detroit - for Perspective
- 20. Capri Hotel, Changi Airport, Singapore - for Thinking
- 21. Cafe de Zaak, Utrecht - for Sex Education
- 22. Corner shop, Kanagawaken, Yokohama - for Shyness
- 23. Monument Valley, USA - for Calm
- 24. Heathrow Airport, London – for Awe
- 25. Pefkos Beach, Rhodes - for Anxiety
- 01. The Wisdom of Stoicism
- 02. On Flying Too Close to the Sun - And Not Flying Close Enough
- 03. Kierkegaard on Love
- 04. Aristotle
- 05. Baruch Spinoza
- 06. Arthur Schopenhauer
- 07. Blaise Pascal
- 08. Six Ideas from Western Philosophy
- 09. Introduction to The Curriculum
- 10. Plato
- 11. The Stoics
- 12. Epicurus
- 13. Augustine
- 14. Boethius and The Consolation of Philosophy
- 15. Thomas Aquinas
- 16. Michel de Montaigne
- 17. La Rochefoucauld
- 18. Voltaire
- 19. David Hume
- 20. Immanuel Kant
- 21. Hegel
- 22. Hegel Knew There Would Be Days Like These
- 23. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- 24. Nietzsche
- 25. Nietzsche, Regret and Amor Fati
- 26. Nietzsche and Envy
- 27. Martin Heidegger
- 28. Ludwig Wittgenstein
- 29. Jean-Paul Sartre
- 30. Albert Camus
- 31. Michel Foucault
- 32. Jacques Derrida
- 33. E. M. Cioran
- 01. What to Say in Response to an Affair
- 02. How To Handle the Desire for Affairs?
- 03. What Does It Take To Be Good at Affairs?
- 04. What Ideally Happens When An Affair is Discovered?
- 05. When Does An Affair Begin?
- 06. A Brief History of Affairs
- 07. How to Reduce the Risk of Affairs
- 08. The Role of Sex in Affairs
- 09. How To Spot A Couple That Might Be Headed For An Affair
- 10. How Can An Affair Help A Marriage?
- 11. The Pleasures of Affairs
- 12. The Pains of Affairs
- 13. The Meaning of Infidelity
- 14. Loyalty and Adultery
- 15. Why People Have Affairs: Distance and Closeness
- 01. How We Help Our Exes Have a Lovely Future
- 02. Partners Who Punish You for Loving Them
- 03. The Best and Worst Ways to Be Left in Love
- 04. The Ex You Can’t Get Over
- 05. When to Get Out of a Relationship
- 06. The Sorrows of Love
- 07. After They Left
- 08. Why Hurt People Hurt People
- 09. How to Get Over an Ex by Correcting Our Misfiring Brains
- 10. Wild Advice for Those Who Have Lost Their Minds Over an Ex
- 11. Eight Rules for Ending Relationships
- 12. Good Endings in Love
- 13. Those of Us Who Don’t Expect Kindness in Love
- 14. Who Actually Ends a Relationship?
- 15. The Pains of Heartbreak
- 16. Those Who Cannot Feel Love Until It Is Over
- 17. The Heroism of Leaving a Relationship
- 18. Exquisite Agony in Love
- 19. Why It Should Not Have to Last Forever...
- 20. When Does a Divorce Begin?
- 21. Rethinking Divorce
- 22. Three Questions to Help You Decide Whether to Stay in or Leave a Relationship
- 23. Stop Repeating the Same Mistakes
- 24. There's Nothing Wrong with Being on Your Own
- 25. The Wrong Idea of a Baddie
- 26. Finding Closure After a Breakup
- 27. Should Sex Ever Be a Reason to Break Up?
- 28. When a Relationship Fails, Who Rejected Whom?
- 29. The Fear of Not Being Able to Cope Practically Without a Partner
- 30. The Fear of Ending a Relationship
- 31. What About the Children When Divorce is on the Cards?
- 32. What If I Just Repeat the Same Mistakes Next Time?
- 33. Are My Expectations Too High?
- 34. Overcoming Nostalgia for a Past Relationship
- 35. The Feeling of Being Back in Love with the Person You're About to Leave
- 36. The Capacity to Give up on People
- 37. For Those Stuck in a Relationship
- 38. 10 Ideas for People Afraid to Exit a Relationship
- 39. People Who Want to Own Us - but Not Nourish Us
- 40. The Hardest Person in the World to Break up With
- 41. A Non-Tragic View of Breaking Up
- 42. A Guide to Breaking Up
- 43. How to Reject Someone Kindly
- 44. When Someone We Love Has Died
- 45. Why Did They Leave Us?
- 46. How to Break Up
- 47. How We Can Have Our Hearts Broken Even Though No One Has Left Us
- 48. The Psychology of Our Exes
- 49. 'Unfair Dismissal' in Love
- 50. How Not to Be Tortured By a Love Rival
- 51. Coping with Betrayal
- 52. Can Exes be Friends?
- 53. How to Get Over Someone
- 54. Why True Love Doesn’t Have to Last Forever
- 55. How to Get Over a Rejection
- 56. How to End a Relationship
- 57. Stay or Leave?
- 58. How to Get Divorced
- 59. On Forgetting Lovers
- 60. How Not to Break Up with Someone
- 01. When Anxious and Avoidant Couples Spiral
- 02. When Love Feels Like Pressure: The Pains of Attachment
- 03. Why We Should – out of Love – Sometimes Not Love Too Much
- 04. Why People Who Were Never Chosen Will Have a Hard Time Choosing You
- 05. The One Question We Forget to Ask Ourselves in Love – And Why
- 06. 'I Love You, but I Don't Think We Should Be Together'
- 07. To Get Back Together – or Not? An Exam for Couples
- 08. How We Encourage the Behaviour We Feel We Deserve
- 09. Can Our Partners Change?
- 10. The Mark of True Love: Simplicity
- 11. The Psychology of Anxious Attachment
- 12. The Psychology of Avoidance
- 13. Changing Yourself Rather Than Trying to Change Your Partner
- 14. Offering Love to Someone Who Is Not Convinced of Their Loveability
- 15. The Sorrows of Anxiously Attached People
- 16. Five Ways to Handle an Avoidant Partner
- 17. How to Find Out What Might Happen With a New Partner
- 18. A Dark Way to Predict What Might Happen in Your Relationship
- 19. Why Some Of Us Are So Bad At Spotting Red Flags
- 20. The Appeal of Rescuing Other People
- 21. Daring to Love
- 22. People Pleasers in Relationships
- 23. People Not to Fall in Love With
- 24. Picking Partners Who Won't Understand Us
- 25. How Do Emotionally Healthy People Behave In Relationships?
- 26. The Avoidant Partner With The Power To Drive You Mad
- 27. On Picking a Socially Unsuitable Partner
- 28. How to Sustain Love: A Tool
- 29. Questions To Ask About Someone We Are Thinking Of Committing To
- 30. Our Two Great Fears in Love
- 31. The Pains of Preoccupied Attachment
- 32. Are You Afraid of Intimacy?
- 33. Why You Will Never Quite Get it Right in Love
- 34. Understanding Attachment Theory
- 35. Why We 'Split' Our Partners
- 36. Why We Love People Who Don't Love Us Back
- 37. Should I Be With Them?
- 38. The Seven Rules of Successful Relationships
- 39. Why We Must Explain Our Own Needs
- 40. How Good Are You at Communication in Love? Questionnaire
- 41. Why Some Couples Last — and Some Don't
- 42. The Difference Between Fragile and Strong Couples
- 43. What Relationships Should Really Be About
- 44. The Real Reason Why Couples Break Up
- 45. 6 Reasons We Choose Badly in Love
- 46. Can People Change?
- 47. Konrad Lorenz & Why You Choose the Partners You Choose
- 48. The Stranger You Live With
- 49. The Attachment Style Questionnaire
- 50. Why Anxious and Avoidant Partners Find It Hard to Leave One Another
- 51. The Challenges of Anxious-Avoidant Relationships — Can Couples With Different Attachment Styles Work?
- 52. On Rescue Fantasies
- 53. How to Cope with an Avoidant Partner
- 54. What Is Your Attachment Style?
- 55. 'I Will Never Find the Right Partner'
- 56. Too Close or Too Distant: How We Stand in Relationships
- 57. How Are You Difficult to Live with?
- 58. Why We're Compelled to Love Difficult People
- 59. Why Your Lover is Very Damaged - and Annoying
- 60. Why Tiny Things about Our Partners Drive Us Mad
- 61. How to Love Ugly People
- 62. Why Polyamory Probably Won’t Work for You
- 63. Why We Go Cold on Our Partners
- 64. An Instruction Manual to Oneself
- 65. The Terrors of Being Loved
- 66. The Partner as Child Theory
- 67. On the Fear of Intimacy
- 68. Meet the Parents
- 69. On Finding the 'Right' Person
- 70. If You Loved Me, You Wouldn't Want to Change Me
- 71. The Problems of Closeness
- 01. Stick At It
- 02. A Chance to Be Bad in Relationships
- 03. There Are No Small Issues in Love
- 04. When One Partner Feels Controlled; And the Other Feels Abandoned
- 05. What We Can Always Do to Improve Our Relationships
- 06. How to Break Logjams in a Relationship
- 07. The Miseries of Push-Pull Relationships
- 08. A Way To Break Logjams In A Couple
- 09. When Your Partner Loves You – but Does Their Best to Drive You Away...
- 10. A Rule to Help Your Relationship
- 11. Secret Grudges We May Have Against the Other Gender
- 12. The Demand for Perfection in Love
- 13. On Being Upset Without Knowing It
- 14. Who is Afraid of Intimacy?
- 15. Why Good Manners Matter in Relationships
- 16. A Role for Lies
- 17. The Secret Lives of Other Couples
- 18. On Saying 'I Hate You' to Someone You Love
- 19. When Love Isn't Easy
- 20. Two Questions to Repair a Relationship
- 21. Three Steps to Resolving Conflicts in Relationships
- 22. Stop Avoiding Conflict
- 23. An Alternative to Passive Aggression
- 24. Why We Must Soften What We Say to Our Partners
- 25. How to Be Less Defensive in Love
- 26. On Gaslighting
- 27. Why We Play Games in Love
- 28. On 'Rupture' and 'Repair'
- 29. Why it's OK to Want a Partner to Change
- 30. On Arguing More Nakedly
- 31. Do You Still Love Me?
- 32. Why We Need to Feel Heard
- 33. Five Questions to Ask of Bad Behaviour
- 34. The Art of Complaining
- 35. The Challenges of Communication
- 36. How To Have Fewer Bitter Arguments in Love
- 37. The Arguments We Have From Guilt
- 38. Attention-Seeking Arguments
- 39. When Our Partners Are Being Excessively Logical
- 40. When We Tell Our Partners That We Are Normal and They Are Strange
- 41. When Your Partner Tries to Stop You Growing
- 42. When Your Partner Starts Crying Hysterically During an Argument
- 43. Why We Sometimes Set Out to Shatter Our Lover's Good Mood
- 44. Why People Get Defensive in Relationships
- 45. A History of Arguments
- 46. The Fights When There Is No Sex
- 47. What We Might Learn in Couples Therapy
- 48. On the Tendency to Love and Hate Excessively
- 49. An Alternative to Being Controlling
- 50. Why We Should Not Silently Suffer From A Lack of Touch in Love
- 51. Why Anger Has a Place in Love
- 52. The Importance of Relationship Counselling
- 53. How to Argue in Relationships
- 54. Why We (Sometimes) Hope the People We Love Might Die
- 55. Be the Change You Want To See
- 56. I Wish I Was Still Single
- 57. Love and Sulking
- 58. On Being Unintentionally Hurt
- 59. The Secret Problems of Other Couples
- 60. On the Dangers of Being Too Defensive
- 61. On How to Defuse an Argument
- 62. How to Save Love with Pessimism
- 63. How 'Transference' Makes You Hard to Live With
- 64. Why You Resent Your Partner
- 65. Why It Is Always Your Partner's Fault
- 66. If It Wasn't for You...
- 67. Why You Are So Annoyed By What You Once Admired
- 68. Why You’re (Probably) Not a Great Communicator
- 01. The Brutality of Dating
- 02. Why We Should Treat Dates Like Job Interviews
- 03. The Need for Honesty on Early Dates
- 04. Why Dating Apps Won't Help You Find Love
- 05. Being Honest on a Date
- 06. Why Haven't They Called - and the Rorschach Test
- 07. Dating When You've Had a Bad Childhood
- 08. Varieties of Madness Commonly Met with On Dates
- 09. How to Seduce with Confidence
- 10. A Brief History of Dating
- 11. How to Prove Attractive to Someone on a Date
- 12. Existentialism and Dating
- 13. What to Talk About on a Date
- 14. What to Eat and Drink on a Date
- 15. How to Seduce Someone on a Date
- 16. How Not to Think on a Date
- 01. What We Truly Long for in Love
- 02. Why – and How – We Need to Make Our Peace With Being Single
- 03. Stay Away From All but the Most Enthusiastic
- 04. Starting New Love While Still Hung Up on an Ex
- 05. On Being Terrified of Love
- 06. Six Reasons Why Being Single is So Awful
- 07. Red Flags for Everyone: How Therapy Has Made Love Harder
- 08. A Crucial Sign That Someone Is Worth Going Out With
- 09. On Not Being Very Good at Love
- 10. Our Longing to Avoid Love
- 11. The 9 Most Common Mistakes We Make When Choosing a Partner
- 12. Getting Better at Picking Lovers
- 13. How We May Be Creating The Lovers We Fear
- 14. What If the People We Could Love Are Here Already; We Just Can't See Them?
- 15. The Lengths We Go to Avoid Love
- 16. Our Secret Wish Never to Find Love
- 17. Why We All End up Marrying Our Parents
- 18. True Love Begins With Self-Love
- 19. The Importance of Being Single
- 20. Why We Keep Choosing Bad Partners
- 21. Celebrity Crushes
- 22. Romantic Masochism
- 23. What Do You Love Me For?
- 24. If Love Never Came
- 25. On the Madness and Charm of Crushes
- 26. Why Only the Happy Single Find True Love
- 27. Should We Play It Cool When We Like Someone?
- 28. In Praise of Unrequited Love
- 29. Two Reasons Why You Might Still Be Single
- 30. How We Choose a Partner
- 31. Why Flirting Matters
- 32. Why, Once You Understand Love, You Could Love Anyone
- 33. Mate Selection
- 34. Reasons to Remain Single
- 35. How to Enjoy a New Relationship
- 01. Alternatives to Romantic Monogamy
- 02. Twenty Ideas on Marriage
- 03. For Moments of Marital Crisis
- 04. What to Do on Your Wedding Night
- 05. Who Should You Invite to Your Wedding?
- 06. Pragmatic Reasons for Getting Married
- 07. The Standard Marriage and Its Seven Alternatives
- 08. Utopian Marriage
- 09. When Is One Ready to Get Married?
- 10. On the Continuing Relevance of Marriage
- 11. On Marrying the Wrong Person — 9 Reasons We Will Regret Getting Married
- 01. The Secret to a Good Love Life: The Relationship We Have With Ourselves
- 02. The Wisdom of Taking It Slowly
- 03. How Regrets Increase As We Grow
- 04. How to Work Out the Level of Emotional Maturity of Prospective Partners
- 05. When One Person Has to Be Needy so the Other Can Feel Invulnerable
- 06. Three Questions to Keep Your Relationship Together
- 07. The Pleasures of Talking Nonsense With Someone We Love
- 08. What Are We Lying To Our Lovers About?
- 09. Those Who Have to Wait for a War to Say ‘I Love You’
- 10. What Celebrity Stalkers Can Teach Us About Love
- 11. The Achievement of Missing Someone
- 12. How Love Can Teach Us Who We Are
- 13. Beyond the Need for Melodrama in Love
- 14. True Love is Boring
- 15. How to Make Love Last Forever
- 16. How to Be Vulnerable
- 17. Why You Can't Read Your Partner's Mind
- 18. What Teddy Bears Teach Us About Love
- 19. What Role Do You Play in Your Relationship?
- 20. Why We Should Be 'Babyish' in Love
- 21. The Maturity of Regression
- 22. The Benefits of Insecurity in Love
- 23. Taking the Pressure off Love
- 24. A Pledge for Lovers
- 25. A Projection Exercise for Couples
- 26. A New Ritual: The Morning and Evening Kiss
- 27. Can Our Phones Solve Our Love Lives?
- 28. If We're All Bad at Love, Shouldn't We Change Our Definition of Normality?
- 29. Other People's Relationships
- 30. How to Cope with an Avoidant Partner
- 31. The Pleasure of Reading Together in Bed
- 32. 22 Questions to Reignite Love
- 33. The Wisdom of Romantic Compromise
- 34. How to Complain
- 35. How We Need to Keep Growing Up
- 36. Teaching and Love
- 37. Love and Self-Love
- 38. Humour in Love
- 39. The Advantages of Long-Distance Love
- 40. In Praise of Hugs
- 41. Why Affectionate Teasing is Kind and Necessary
- 42. The Couple Courtroom Game
- 43. Getting over a Row
- 44. Keeping Secrets in Relationships
- 45. A Lover's Guide to Sulking
- 46. Artificial Conversations
- 47. On the Role of Stories in Love
- 48. On the Hardest Job in the World
- 49. On the Beloved's Wrist
- 01. How Even Very ‘Nice’ Parents Can Mess Up Their Children
- 02. The Parents We Would Love To Have Had: An Exercise
- 03. Fatherless Boys
- 04. How to Raise a Successful Person
- 05. The Problems of Miniature Adults
- 06. Mothers and Daughters
- 07. The Importance of Swords and Guns for Children
- 08. When Parents Won't Let Their Children Grow Up
- 09. The Fragile Parent
- 10. Parenting and People-Pleasing
- 11. Three Kinds of Parental Love
- 12. A Portrait of Tenderness
- 13. What Makes a Good Parent? A Checklist
- 14. On the Curiosity of Children
- 15. How to Lend a Child Confidence
- 16. The Importance of Play
- 17. Why Children Need an Emotional Education
- 18. Coping with One's Parents
- 19. Are Children for Me?
- 20. How Parents Might Let Their Children Know of Their Issues
- 21. How We Crave to Be Soothed
- 22. Escaping the Shadow of a Parent
- 23. On Being Angry with a Parent
- 24. What You Might Want to Tell Your Child About Homework
- 25. On Apologising to Your Child
- 26. Teaching Children about Relationships
- 27. How Should a Parent Love their Child?
- 28. When people pleasers become parents - and need to say 'no'
- 29. On the Sweetness of Children
- 30. Listening to Children
- 31. Whether or not to have Children
- 32. The Children of Snobs
- 33. Why Good Parents Have Naughty Children
- 34. The Joys and Sorrows of Parenting
- 35. The Significance of Parenthood
- 36. Why Family Matters
- 37. Parenting and Working
- 38. On Children's Art
- 39. What Babies Can Teach Us
- 40. Why – When It Comes to Children – Love May Not Be Enough
- 01. What We Really, Really Want in Love
- 02. Falling in Love with a Stranger
- 03. Why We Need 'Ubuntu'
- 04. The Buddhist View of Love
- 05. What True Love Looks Like
- 06. How the Wrong Images of Love Can Ruin Our Lives
- 07. Kierkegaard on Love
- 08. Why Do I Feel So Lonely?
- 09. Pygmalion and your Love life
- 10. How to Love
- 11. What is Love?
- 12. On Romanticism
- 13. A Short History of Love
- 14. The Definition of Love
- 15. Why We Need the Ancient Greek Vocabulary of Love
- 16. The Cure for Love
- 17. On Seduction
- 18. Why We Need to Speak of Love in Public
- 19. How Romanticism Ruined Love
- 20. Our Most Romantic Moments
- 21. Loving and Being Loved
- 22. Romantic Realism
- 23. On Being Romantic or Classical
- 01. What Kinks Are About
- 02. Four Kinds of Sexual Deviancy and What They Really Mean
- 03. On Castration Anxiety
- 04. The Difficulties of Impotence
- 05. What is Sexual Perversion?
- 06. Our Unconscious Fear of Successful Sex
- 07. The Logic of Our Fantasies
- 08. Rethinking Gender
- 09. The Ongoing Complexities of Our Intimate Lives
- 10. On Post-Coital Melancholy
- 11. Desire and Intimacy
- 12. What Makes a Person Attractive?
- 13. How to Talk About Your Sexual Fantasy
- 14. The Problem of Sexual Shame
- 15. Who Initiates Sex: and Why It Matters So Much
- 16. On Still Being a Virgin
- 17. Love and Sex
- 18. Impotence and Respect
- 19. Sexual Non-Liberation
- 20. The Excitement of Kissing
- 21. The Appeal of Outdoor Sex
- 22. The Sexual Fantasies of Others
- 23. On Art and Masturbation
- 24. The Psychology of Cross-Dressing
- 25. The Fear of Being Bad in Bed
- 26. The Sex-Starved Relationship
- 27. How to Start Having Sex Again
- 28. Sexual Liberation
- 29. The Poignancy of Old Pornography
- 30. On Porn Addiction
- 31. A Brief Philosophy of Oral Sex
- 32. Why We Go Off Sex
- 33. On Being a Sleazebag
- 34. A Brief Theory of Sexual Excitement
- 01. Why Are Some of Us Hoarders?
- 02. Why We Sometimes Need to Be Tied to a Mast
- 03. Four Explanations for Self-Sabotage
- 04. Work Outs For Our Minds
- 05. Interviewing Our Bodies
- 06. The Top Dog - Under Dog Exercise
- 07. A Guide For The Recovering Avoidant
- 08. Where Are Humanity’s Problems Really Located?
- 09. On Feeling Obliged
- 10. Why We Struggle With Self-Discipline
- 11. Why We Should Practice Automatic Writing
- 12. Why We Behave As We Do
- 13. Mechanisms of Defence
- 14. On Always Finding Fault with Others
- 15. The Hidden Logic of Illogical Behaviour
- 16. How to Weaken the Hold of Addiction
- 17. Charles Darwin and The Descent of Man
- 18. Why We Are All Addicts
- 19. Straightforward vs. Complicated People
- 20. Reasons to Give Up on Perfection
- 21. The Need for a Cry
- 22. On Confinement
- 23. The Importance of Singing Badly
- 24. You Don't Need Permission
- 25. On Feeling Stuck
- 26. Am I Paranoid?
- 27. Learning to Be More Selfish
- 28. Learning How to Be Angry
- 29. Why We're All Liars
- 30. Are You a Masochist?
- 31. How Badly Adapted We Are to Life on Earth
- 32. How We Prefer to Act Rather Than Think
- 33. How to Live More Wisely Around Our Phones
- 34. On Dreaming
- 35. The Need to be Alone
- 36. On the Remarkable Need to Speak
- 37. Thinking Too Much; and Thinking Too Little
- 38. On Nagging
- 39. The Prevention of Suicide
- 40. On Getting an Early Night
- 41. Why We Eat Too Much
- 42. On Taking Drugs
- 43. On Perfectionism
- 44. On Procrastination
- 01. On Mocking the Superstitious
- 02. When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them
- 03. The Importance of Hating People
- 04. How We Respond When Life Gets Frustrating
- 05. Why We Overreact
- 06. Giving Up on People Pleasing
- 07. The Benefits of Forgetfulness
- 08. How to Take Criticism
- 09. A More Spontaneous Life
- 10. On Self-Assertion
- 11. The Benefit of Analogies
- 12. Why We Need Moments of Mad Thinking
- 13. The Task of Turning Vague Thoughts into More Precise Ones
- 14. How to Catch Your Own Thoughts
- 15. Why Our Best Thoughts Come To Us in the Shower
- 16. Calm
- 17. Confidence
- 18. Why We Should Try to Become Better Narcissists
- 19. Why We Require Poor Memories To Survive
- 20. The Importance of Confession
- 21. How Emotionally Healthy Are You?
- 22. What Is An Emotionally Healthy Childhood?
- 23. Unprocessed Emotion
- 24. How to Be a Genius
- 25. On Resilience
- 26. How to Decide
- 27. Why It Should Be Glamorous to Change Your Mind
- 28. How to Make More of Our Memories
- 29. What’s Wrong with Needy People
- 30. Emotional Education: An Introduction
- 31. Philosophical Meditation
- 32. Honesty
- 33. Self-Love
- 34. Emotional Scepticism
- 35. Politeness
- 36. Charity
- 37. Charm
- 38. Love-as-Generosity
- 39. Comforting
- 40. Emotional Translation
- 41. Humour
- 42. On Pessimism
- 43. The Problem with Cynicism
- 44. On Keeping Going
- 45. Closeness
- 46. On Higher Consciousness
- 47. On Exercising the Mind
- 48. Authentic Work
- 49. The Sorrows of Work
- 50. Cultural Consolation
- 51. Appreciation
- 52. Cheerful Despair
- 01. On Not Being Able to Believe Your Own Luck
- 02. What Are Germaphobes Really Scared Of?
- 03. What Alien Delusions Tell Us About Our Minds
- 04. What Does a Silence Have to Mean?
- 05. How We Encourage the Behaviour We Feel We Deserve
- 06. Why We Can so Quickly End up Feeling Hated
- 07. Naturally You Don't Trust Anyone!
- 08. What Is It Like to Be Mentally Unwell?
- 09. How 'Mad' People Make a Lot of Sense
- 10. Why We Keep Repeating Patterns of Unhappiness
- 11. Your Self-Esteem is a Record of Your History
- 12. Why Some People Love Extreme Sports
- 13. The Overlooked Pains of Very, Very Tidy People
- 14. On Feeling Guilty for No Reason
- 15. The Fear of Being Touched
- 16. Why Most of Us Feel Like Losers
- 17. One of the More Beautiful Paintings in the World...
- 18. The Origins of a Sense of Persecution
- 19. How to Overcome Psychological Barriers
- 20. The Sinner Inside All of Us
- 21. How to Be Less Defensive
- 22. Are You a Sadist or a Masochist?
- 23. You Might Be Mad
- 24. Fears Are Not Facts
- 25. Why It's Good to Be a Narcissist
- 26. Am I a Bad Person?
- 27. Why Some of Us Are So Thin-Skinned
- 28. The Five Features of Paranoia
- 29. Why So Many of Us Are Masochists
- 30. In Praise of Self-Doubt
- 31. Why We Get Locked Inside Stories — and How to Break Free
- 32. Why Grandiosity is a Symptom of Self-Hatred
- 33. The Origins of Imposter Syndrome
- 34. The Upsides of Being Ill
- 35. The Roots of Paranoia
- 36. Loneliness as a Sign of Depth
- 37. How Social Media Affects Our Self-Worth
- 38. How to Be Beautiful
- 39. Trying to Be Kinder to Ourselves
- 40. The Role of Love in Mental Health
- 41. Trauma and Fearfulness
- 42. On Despair and the Imagination
- 43. On Being Able to Defend Oneself
- 44. The Fear of Death
- 45. I Am Not My Body
- 46. The Problems of Being Very Beautiful
- 47. 6 Reasons Not to Worry What the Neighbours Think
- 48. Am I Fat? An Answer from History
- 49. The Problem of Shame
- 50. On Feeling Ugly
- 51. The Particular Beauty of Unhappy-Looking People
- 52. How Not to Become a Conspiracy Theorist
- 53. The Terror of a ‘No’
- 54. On Being Hated
- 55. The Origins of Everyday Nastiness
- 56. The Weakness of Strength Theory
- 57. On Self-Sabotage
- 58. FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
- 59. On a Sense of Sinfulness
- 01. A Simple Exercise to Help Us Find Direction
- 02. An Interesting Life Rather Than a Happy One
- 03. We All Need Our North Pole
- 04. We Need to Change the Movie We Are In
- 05. Maybe You Are, in Your Own Way, a Little Bit Marvellous
- 06. Why We Deny Ourselves the Chance of Happiness
- 07. How to Live More Consciously
- 08. Our Secret Longing to Be Good
- 09. Why Everyone Needs to Feel 'Lost' for a While
- 10. On the Consolations of Home | Georg Friedrich Kersting
- 11. On Feeling Rather Than Thinking
- 12. How to Be Interesting
- 13. Am I Too Clever?
- 14. A More Self-Accepting Life
- 15. 'Let Him Who Is Without Sin Cast the First Stone'
- 16. The Roots of Loneliness
- 17. Small Acts of Liberation
- 18. Overcoming the Need to Be Exceptional
- 19. The Fear of Happiness
- 20. The Truth May Already Be Inside Us
- 21. What Is the Meaning of Life?
- 22. The Desire to Write
- 23. Are Intelligent People More Lonely?
- 24. A Better Word than Happiness: Eudaimonia
- 25. The Meaning of Life
- 26. Our Secret Fantasies
- 27. Why We’re Fated to Be Lonely (But That’s OK)
- 28. Good Enough is Good Enough
- 29. An Updated Ten Commandments
- 30. A Self-Compassion Exercise
- 31. How to Become a Better Person
- 32. On Resolutions
- 33. On Final Things
- 01. How to 'Grow'
- 02. The Life-Saving Nature of Poor Memories
- 03. The Stages of Development - And What If We Miss Out on One…
- 04. Who Might I Have Been If…
- 05. Yes, Maybe They Are Just Envious…
- 06. We Are All Lonely - Now Can We Be Friends?
- 07. How to Make It Through
- 08. 12 Signs That You Are Mature in the Eyes of Psychotherapy
- 09. The Breast and the Mouth
- 10. A Test to Measure How Nice You Are
- 11. What Hypochondriacs Aren't Able to Tell You
- 12. The Origins of Sanity
- 13. The Always Unfinished Business of Self-Knowledge
- 14. Learning to Laugh at Ourselves
- 15. A Simple Question to Set You Free
- 16. Locating the Trouble
- 17. Who Knows More, the Young or the Old?
- 18. Beyond Sanctimony
- 19. The Ingredients of Emotional Maturity
- 20. When Illness is Preferable to Health
- 21. What Should My Life Have Been Like?
- 22. Why We Need to Go Back to Emotional School
- 23. The Point of Writing Letters We Never Send
- 24. Self-Forgiveness
- 25. Why We Must Have Done Bad to Be Good
- 26. Finding the Courage to Be Ourselves
- 27. What Regret Can Teach Us
- 28. The Importance of Adolescence
- 29. How to Love Difficult People
- 30. On Falling Mentally Ill
- 31. Splitting Humanity into Saints and Sinners
- 32. Becoming Free
- 33. Learning to Listen to the Adult Inside Us
- 34. The Ultimate Test of Emotional Maturity
- 35. Can People Change?
- 36. When Home is Not Home...
- 37. Learning to Lay Down Boundaries
- 38. You Could Finally Leave School!
- 39. When Do You Know You Are Emotionally Mature? 26 Signs of Emotional Maturity
- 40. How to Lengthen Your Life
- 41. We Only Learn If We Repeat
- 42. The Drive to Keep Growing Emotionally
- 43. On Bittersweet Memories
- 44. Small Triumphs of the Mentally Unwell
- 45. The Importance of Atonement
- 46. How To Be a Mummy's Boy
- 47. On Consolation
- 48. The Inner Idiot
- 49. The Dangers of the Good Child
- 50. Why None of Us are Really 'Sinners'
- 51. How We Need to Keep Growing Up
- 52. Are Humans Still Evolving?
- 53. On Losers – and Tragic Heroes
- 54. On the Serious Role of Stuffed Animals
- 55. Why Self-Help Books Matter
- 01. People Who Are Missing a Sense of Self
- 02. How We Can Feel Misunderstood – Without Ever Explaining Who We Are
- 03. Living Long Term With Mental Illness
- 04. Suffering From A Snobbery That Isn’t Ours
- 05. How to Recover the Plot
- 06. Why We Have Trouble Getting Back To Sleep
- 07. When, and Why, Do We Pick up Our Phones?
- 08. What is the Unconscious - and What Might Be Inside Yours?
- 09. Complete the Story – and Discover What's Really On Your mind
- 10. Complete the Sentence – and Find Out What's Really on Your Mind
- 11. The One Question You Need to Understand Who You Are
- 12. Six Fundamental Truths of Self-Awareness
- 13. Why Knowing Ourselves is Impossible – and Necessary
- 14. Making Friends with Your Unconscious
- 15. Do You Believe in Mind-Reading?
- 16. Questioning Our Conscience
- 17. A Bedtime Meditation
- 18. How to Figure Out What You Really, Really Think
- 19. Why You Should Keep a Journal
- 20. In Praise of Introspection
- 21. What Brain Scans Reveal About Our Minds
- 22. What is Mental Health?
- 23. The One Question You Need to Ask to Know Whether You're a Good Person
- 24. Eight Rules of The School of Life
- 25. No One Cares
- 26. The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Being Alone
- 27. 5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity
- 28. On Knowing Who One Is
- 29. Why Self-Analysis Works
- 30. Knowing Things Intellectually vs. Knowing Them Emotionally
- 31. The Novel We Really Need To Read Next
- 32. Is Free Will or Determinism Correct?
- 33. Emotional Identity
- 34. Know Yourself — Socrates and How to Develop Self-Knowledge
- 35. Self-Knowledge Quiz
- 36. On Being Very Normal
- 01. Is There Something Wrong – or Am I Just a Very Miserable Person?
- 02. How History Can Explain Our Unhappiness
- 03. How Lonely Are You? A Test
- 04. The Wisdom of Tears
- 05. You Don't Always Need to Be Funny
- 06. On Suicide
- 07. You Have Permission to Be Miserable
- 08. The Pessimist's Guide to Mental Illness
- 09. Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me?
- 10. Why We Enjoy the Suffering of Others
- 11. The Tragedy of Birth
- 12. What Rothko's Art Teaches Us About Suffering
- 13. Our Tragic Condition
- 14. The Melancholy Charm of Lonely Travelling Places
- 15. Nostalgia for Religion
- 16. Parties and Melancholy
- 17. Why Very Beautiful Scenes Can Make Us So Melancholy
- 18. On Old Photos of Oneself
- 19. Are Intelligent People More Melancholic?
- 20. Strangers and Melancholy
- 21. On Post-Coital Melancholy
- 22. Sex and Melancholy
- 23. Astronomy and Melancholy
- 24. Nostalgia for the Womb
- 25. Melancholy and the Feeling of Being Superfluous
- 26. Pills & Melancholy
- 27. Melancholy: the best kind of Despair
- 28. On Melancholy
- 01. How to Check in on Ourselves
- 02. The Impulse to Sink Our Own Mood – and Return to Sadness and Worry
- 03. We Are Made of Moods
- 04. Why Sweet Things Make Us Cry
- 05. Overcoming Manic Moods
- 06. Learning to Feel What We Really Feel
- 07. Exercise When We're Feeling Mentally Unwell
- 08. Why You May Be Experiencing a Mental Midwinter
- 09. Living Long-Term with Mental Illness
- 10. The Role of Sleep in Mental Health
- 11. The Role of Pills in Mental Health
- 12. Mental Illness and Acceptance
- 13. Mental Illness and 'Reasons to Live'
- 14. Taming a Pitiless Inner Critic
- 15. Reasons to Give Up on Human Beings
- 16. The Window of Tolerance
- 17. On Realising One Might Be an Introvert
- 18. Our Right to be Miserable
- 19. How to Manage One's Moods
- 20. On Living in a More Light-Hearted Way
- 21. On Disliking Oneself
- 22. Of Course We Mess Up!
- 23. Learning to Listen to One's Own Boredom
- 24. On Depression
- 25. In Praise of the Melancholy Child
- 26. Why We May Be Angry Rather Than Sad
- 27. On Not Being in the Moment
- 28. 'Pure' OCD - and Intrusive Thoughts
- 29. Twenty Moods
- 30. How the Right Words Help Us to Feel the Right Things
- 31. The Secret Optimism of Angry People
- 32. On Feeling Depressed
- 33. The Difficulty of Being in the Present
- 34. On Being Out of Touch with One's Feelings
- 35. Our Secret Thoughts
- 36. The Psychology of Colour
- 37. On Self-Pity
- 38. On Irritability
- 39. On Anger
- 40. On the Things that Make Adults Cry
- 41. Detachment
- 01. Trust What You Knew Then, Not What You Feel Now
- 02. When It's Extremely Hard to Choose
- 03. On Those Ruined by Success
- 04. The Demand for Perfection in Love
- 05. The Secret Lives of Other Couples
- 06. How the Wrong Images of Love Can Ruin Our Lives
- 07. Self-Forgiveness
- 08. How Perfectionism Makes Us Ill
- 09. Reasons to Give Up on Perfection
- 10. Are My Expectations Too High?
- 11. Of Course We Mess Up!
- 12. Expectations - and the 80/20 Rule
- 13. Good Enough is Good Enough
- 14. The Perfectionist Trap
- 15. A Self-Compassion Exercise
- 16. On Perfectionism
- 01. Why We Love Our Bears
- 02. How Wounded People Seek Out Further Punishment
- 03. When Evil Walks Into Our Lives...
- 04. What Does the Child in You Need Today?
- 05. Those of Us Who Need a War Zone
- 06. Why It Can Take Us So Long to Understand How Unwell We Are
- 07. Intergenerational Trauma
- 08. How the Unfinished Business of Childhood is Played Out in Relationships
- 09. How to Raise a Successful Person
- 10. Can Childhoods Really Matter So Much?
- 11. What Some Childhoods Don’t Allow You to Think
- 12. The Legacy of an Unloving Childhood
- 13. Why You Don’t Need a Very Bad Childhood to Have a Complicated Adulthood
- 14. When People Let Us Know What the World Has Done to Them
- 15. The Healing Power of Time
- 16. You Are Freer Than You Think
- 17. On Parenting Our Parents
- 18. Letting Go of Self-Protective Strategies
- 19. How to Tell If Someone Had a Difficult Childhood...
- 20. Childhood Matters, Unfortunately!
- 21. How Should We Define 'Mental Illness'?
- 22. Taking Childhood Seriously
- 23. Sympathy for Our Younger Selves
- 24. How Music Can Heal Us
- 25. What Your Body Reveals About Your Past
- 26. Why Adults Often Behave Like Children
- 27. How to Live Long-Term With Trauma
- 28. Should We Forgive Our Parents or Not?
- 29. Reparenting Your Inner Child
- 30. The Agonies of Shame
- 31. How Trauma Works
- 32. Why Abused Children End Up Hating Themselves
- 33. Why We Sometimes Feel Like Curling Up Into a Ball
- 34. How to Get Your Parents Out of Your Head
- 35. Why Parents Bully Their Children
- 36. On Projection
- 37. Self-Archaeology
- 38. It's Not Your Fault
- 39. If Our Parents Never Listened
- 40. Why Everything Relates to Your Childhood
- 41. Why Those Who Should Love Us Can Hurt Us
- 42. The Upsides of Having a Mental Breakdown
- 43. How Perfectionism Makes Us Ill
- 44. How We Should Have Been Loved
- 45. Self-Hatred and High-Achievement
- 46. A Self-Hatred Audit
- 47. How Mental Illness Impacts Our Bodies
- 48. Two Reasons Why People End up Parenting Badly
- 49. What is Emotional Neglect?
- 50. How Unloving Parents can Generate Self-Hating Children
- 51. How Mental Illness Closes Down Our Minds
- 52. Trauma and EMDR Therapy
- 53. How to Fight off Your Inner Critic
- 54. The One Subject You Really Need to Study: Your Own Childhood
- 55. Sharing Our Early Wounds
- 56. Trauma and How to Overcome It
- 57. Why We're All Messed Up By Our Childhoods
- 58. The Golden Child Syndrome
- 59. The Importance of Being an Unhappy Teenager
- 60. How We Get Damaged by Emotional Neglect
- 61. The Secrets of a Privileged Childhood
- 62. What We Owe to the People Who Loved Us in Childhood
- 63. Criticism When You've Had a Bad Childhood
- 64. On Suffering in Silence
- 65. How a Messed up Childhood Affects You in Adulthood
- 66. Daddy Issues
- 67. The Non-Rewritable Disc: the Fateful Impact of Childhood
- 68. On the Longing for Maternal Tenderness
- 01. 'I'm Fine, Thank You and How Are You?'
- 02. Ideal Questions to Ask at Parties
- 03. The Need for Processing
- 04. The Subtle Art of Not Listening to People Too Closely
- 05. The Art of Good Listening
- 06. Becoming More Interesting
- 07. In Praise of Small Chats With Strangers
- 08. Why We Should Listen Rather Than Reassure
- 09. How We Can Hurt Without Thinking
- 10. Leaning in to Vulnerability
- 11. How to Become Someone People Will Confide in
- 12. How To Write An Effective Thank You Letter
- 13. How to Be a Good Listener
- 14. How to Comment Online
- 15. Listening as Editing
- 16. The Importance of Flattery
- 17. How to Narrate Your Life Story
- 18. The Art of Listening
- 19. How to Narrate Your Dreams
- 20. How to Talk About Yourself
- 21. Communication
- 22. How to Be a Good Teacher
- 23. On How to Disagree
- 24. On the Art of Conversation
- 01. Why Introverts Are As They Are
- 02. On Feeling Painfully Different
- 03. Abandoning Hope
- 04. How to Leave a Party
- 05. On Becoming a Hermit
- 06. How to Have a Renaissance
- 07. Think Like an Aristocrat
- 08. Van Gogh's Neglected Genius
- 09. How to Be Quietly Confident
- 10. How to Live Like an Exile
- 11. How to Cope With Bullying
- 12. Stop Being So Nice
- 13. The Origins of Shyness
- 14. On Friendliness to Strangers
- 15. What to Do at Parties If You Hate Small Talk
- 16. How to Approach Strangers at A Party
- 17. How to Be Comfortable on Your Own in Public
- 18. Akrasia - or Why We Don't Do What We Believe
- 19. Why We Think So Much about Our Hair
- 20. Aphorisms on Confidence
- 21. How Knowledge of Difficulties Lends Confidence
- 22. How Thinking You’re an Idiot Lends Confidence
- 23. How to Overcome Shyness
- 24. The Mind-Body Problem
- 25. The Impostor Syndrome
- 26. On the Origins of Confidence
- 27. Self-Esteem
- 28. On Confidence
- 29. On Not Liking the Way One Looks
- 01. The Challenges of Male Friendships
- 02. The Need for Processing
- 03. Why Losers Make the Best Friends
- 04. Our Very Best Friends
- 05. The Difficulties of Oversharing
- 06. Is It OK to Outgrow Our Friends?
- 07. Why Everyone We Meet is a Little Bit Lonely
- 08. On 'Complicated' Friendships
- 09. The Friend Who Can Tease Us
- 10. Don't Be Too Normal If You Want to Make Friends
- 11. The Forgotten Art of Making Friends
- 12. The Friend Who Balances Us
- 13. The Purpose of Friendship
- 14. Why the Best Kind of Friends Are Lonely
- 15. How to Lose Friends
- 16. Why Misfits Make Great Friends
- 17. How to Handle an Envious Friend
- 18. Loneliness as a Sign of Depth
- 19. Companionship and Mental Health
- 20. How Often Do We Need to Go to Parties?
- 21. Virtual Dinners: Conversation Menus
- 22. The Cleaning Party
- 23. On Talking Horizontally
- 24. Dinner Table Orchestra
- 25. On Sofa Jumping
- 26. On Studying Someone Else's Hands
- 27. What Women and Men May Learn from One Another When They are Just Friends
- 28. How to Say 'I Love You' to a Friend
- 29. How to End a Friendship
- 30. What Can Stop the Loneliness?
- 31. Why Men Are So Bad at Friendship
- 32. What Would An Ideal Friend Be Like?
- 33. 'Couldn't We Just Be Friends?'
- 34. On Acquiring an Enemy
- 35. Why Old Friends Matter
- 36. Why Not to Panic about Enemies
- 37. What Is the Purpose of Friendship?
- 38. Friendship and Vulnerability
- 39. On Socks and Friendship
- 40. The Teasing of Old Friends
- 01. The Need – Sometimes – Not to Complain
- 02. The Boring Person
- 03. The Loveliest People in the World
- 04. The Life Saving Role of Small Chats
- 05. The Origins of Shifty People
- 06. The Many Faults of Other People
- 07. Why Nice People Give Us the 'Ick'
- 08. How to Become a More Interesting Person
- 09. The Challenges of Hugging
- 10. Dale Carnegie — How to Win Friends and Influence People
- 11. The Origins of People Pleasing
- 12. The Eyes of Love
- 13. Kindness Isn't Weakness
- 14. Why We're All Capable of Damaging Others
- 15. Rembrandt as a Guide to Kindness
- 16. What Love Really Is – and Why It Matters
- 17. The Need for Kindness
- 18. 6 Reasons Not to Worry What the Neighbours Think
- 19. What to Do When a Stranger Annoys You
- 20. How to Choose A Good Present
- 21. How to Be a Good Guest
- 22. How To Make People Feel Good about Themselves
- 23. How To Tell When You Are Being A Bore
- 24. What Is Empathy?
- 25. How Not to Rant
- 26. How Not to Be Boring
- 27. On Eggs and Compassion
- 28. How to Become an Adult
- 29. People-Pleasing: and How to Overcome It
- 30. Why Truly Sociable People Hate Parties
- 31. How to Be Diplomatic
- 32. Sane Insanity
- 33. Charity of Interpretation
- 34. How to Be a Good Teacher
- 35. The Solution to Clumsiness
- 36. How to Be a Man
- 37. Political Correctness vs. Politeness
- 38. Aphorisms on Kindness
- 39. Why We Don’t Really Want to Be Nice
- 40. The Charm of Vulnerability
- 41. The Ultimate Test of Your Social Skills
- 42. How to Be Open-Minded
- 43. Why Kind People Always Lie
- 44. How to Be Warm
- 45. The Problem of Over-Friendliness
- 46. How to Forgive
- 47. Why We’re Fated to Be Lonely (But That’s OK)
- 48. How to Cope with Snobbery
- 49. On Charm
- 50. On Being Kind
- 51. On Gratitude
- 52. On Forgiveness
- 53. On Charity
- 54. On Wisdom
- 01. How to Fire Someone
- 02. Diplomacy at the Office
- 03. How to Tell a Colleague Their Breath Smells
- 04. How to Screw Up at Work
- 05. In Praise of Teamwork
- 06. How to Become an Entrepreneur
- 07. The Need for Eloquence
- 08. The Nature and Causes of Procrastination
- 09. In Praise of Networking
- 10. Why Creativity is Too Important to Be Left to Artists
- 11. How to Survive Bureaucracy
- 12. Machismo and Management
- 13. What Art Can Teach Business About Being Fussy
- 14. On Novelists and Manuals
- 15. How Not to Let Work Explode Your Life
- 16. How to Sell
- 17. Innovation, Empathy and Introspection
- 18. Innovation and Creativity
- 19. Innovation and Science Fiction
- 20. The Acceptance of Change
- 21. The Collaborative Virtues
- 22. Towards Better Collaboration
- 23. How To Make Efficiency a Habit
- 24. On Raising the Prestige of 'Details'
- 25. Monasticism & How to Avoid Distraction
- 26. How to Dare to Begin
- 27. On Meaning – and Motivation
- 28. The Psychological Obstacles Holding Employees Back
- 29. On Feedback
- 30. How to Better Understand Customers
- 31. On Bounded and Unbounded Tasks
- 01. How to Steal a Very Expensive House
- 02. What Should Truly Motivate Us at Work
- 03. Nature as a Cure for the Sickness of Modern Times
- 04. The Difficulties of Work-Life Balance
- 05. The Challenges of Modernity
- 06. Businesses for Love; Businesses for Money
- 07. Countries for Losers; Countries for Winners
- 08. Towards a Solution to Inequality
- 09. Free Trade - or Protectionism?
- 10. Should We Work on Ourselves - or on the World?
- 11. Why Is There Unemployment?
- 12. Artists and Supermarket Tycoons
- 13. Business and the Arts
- 14. Sentimentality in Art - and Business
- 15. How to Make a Country Rich
- 16. First World Problems
- 17. On Devotion to Corporations
- 18. Good vs Classical Economics
- 19. What Is a Good Brand?
- 20. Good Economic Measures: Beyond GDP
- 21. What Good Business Should Be
- 22. On the Faultiness of Our Economic Indicators
- 23. On the Dawn of Capitalism
- 24. Utopian Capitalism
- 25. On Philanthropy
- 01. Why Do We Work So Hard?
- 02. On Eating a Friend
- 03. Is the Modern World Too 'Materialistic'?
- 04. On Consumer Capitalism
- 05. How to Choose the Perfect Gift
- 06. The Importance of Maslow's Pyramid of Needs
- 07. How to Live More Wisely Around Our Phones
- 08. Money and 'Higher Things'
- 09. Why We Are All Addicts
- 10. Why We Are So Bad at Shopping
- 11. Business and the Ladder of Needs
- 12. Consumer Self-Knowledge
- 13. "Giving Customers What They Want"
- 14. The Entrepreneur and the Artist
- 15. What Advertising Can Learn from Art
- 16. What the Luxury Sector Does for Us
- 17. On Using Sex to Sell
- 18. Understanding Brand Promises
- 19. Consumer Education: On Learning How to Spend
- 20. Good Materialism
- 21. Why We Hate Cheap Things
- 22. Why We Continue to Love Expensive Things
- 23. Why Advertising Is so Annoying - but Doesn't Have to Be
- 24. On Good Demand
- 25. On Consumption and Status Anxiety
- 26. On the Responsibility of the Consumer
- 27. Adverts Know What We Want - They Just Can't Sell It to us
- 28. On the True Desires of the Rich
- 01. How to Be Original
- 02. When Are We Truly Productive?
- 03. The Importance of the Siesta
- 04. Career Therapy
- 05. On Meritocracy
- 06. The Vocation Myth
- 07. The Good Sides of Work
- 08. The Good Office
- 09. The EQ Office
- 10. Good Salaries: What We Earn - and What We’re Worth
- 11. What Good Business Should Be
- 12. On the Pleasures of Work
- 01. How Does An Emotionally Healthy Person Relate To Their Career?
- 02. The Concept of Voluntary Poverty
- 03. The Dangers of Having Too Little To Do
- 04. How Could a Working Life Be Meaningful?
- 05. On Learning to Live Deeply Rather than Broadly
- 06. What They Forget to Teach You at School
- 07. Authentic Work
- 08. Why We Need to Work
- 09. How We Came to Desire a Job We Could Love
- 10. Why Work Is So Much Easier than Love
- 11. Work and Maturity
- 12. How Your Job Shapes Your Identity
- 13. Authentic Work
- 01. Using AI to Have Better Relationships
- 02. Do We Need to Read the News?
- 03. On Gossip
- 04. How the Media Damages Our Faith in Humanity
- 05. Why We Secretly Love Bad News
- 06. Celebrity Crushes
- 07. On Switching Off the News
- 08. We've Been Here Before
- 09. In Praise of Bias
- 10. The News from Without - and the News from Within
- 11. History as a Corrective to News
- 12. Emotional Technology
- 13. What's Wrong with the Media
- 14. On the Dangers of the Internet
- 15. On Taking Digital Sabbaths
- 16. On the Role of Censorship
- 17. On the Role of Disasters
- 18. On the Role of Art in News
- 19. Tragedies and Ordinary Lives in the Media
- 20. On the Failures of Economic News
- 21. On Health News
- 22. What State Broadcasters Should Do
- 23. On the Role of Cheerful News
- 24. On News and Kindness
- 25. On Maniacs and Murderers
- 01. The United States and Happiness
- 02. Political Emotional Maturity
- 03. On Feeling Offended
- 04. A Guide to Good Nationalism
- 05. Why We Do - After All - Care about Politics
- 06. Why Socrates Hated Democracy
- 07. The Fragility of Good Government
- 08. Romantic vs. Classical Voters
- 09. Africa after Independence
- 01. Should I Follow My Dreams?
- 02. How to Retire Early
- 03. The Agonies of Choice
- 04. The Creative Itch
- 05. Broadening the Job Search
- 06. Our Families and Our Careers
- 07. The Challenges of Choosing a Career
- 08. On Career Crises
- 09. The Output/Input Confusion
- 10. Finding a Mission
- 11. How to Serve
- 12. Why Work-Life Balance is an Illusion
- 13. On Gratitude – and Motivation
- 14. How to Find Fulfilling Work
- 15. On the Origins of Motivation at Work
- 16. On Becoming an Entrepreneur
- 17. On Being an Unemployed Arts Graduate
- 01. On Small Talk at the Office
- 02. On Falling Apart at the Office
- 03. The Sorrows of Competition
- 04. What Is That Sunday Evening Feeling?
- 05. How Parents Get in the Way of Our Career Plans
- 06. Why Modern Work Is So Boring
- 07. Why Pessimism is the Key to Good Government
- 08. The Sorrows of Colleagues
- 09. The Sorrows of Commercialisation
- 10. The Sorrows of Standardisation
- 11. Confidence in the System
- 12. Job Monogamy
- 13. The Duty Trap
- 14. The Perfectionist Trap
- 15. On Professional Failure
- 16. Nasty Businesses
- 17. The Job Investment Trap
- 18. How Your Job Shapes Your Identity
- 19. The Pains of Leadership
- 20. Would It Be Better for Your Job If You Were Celibate?
- 21. On Stress and Inner Voices
- 22. On Being Wary of Simple-Looking Issues
- 23. On Commuting
- 24. On the Sorrows of Work
- 25. On Misemployment
- 26. On Guilt-trips and Charm
- 01. The Dangers of People Who Have Been to Boarding School
- 02. Giving Up on Being Special
- 03. The Problem with Individualism
- 04. Winners and Losers in the Race of Life
- 05. Being on the Receiving End of Pity
- 06. Shakespeare: 'When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state...'
- 07. Overcoming the Need to Be Exceptional
- 08. On the Loss of Reputation
- 09. The Secret Sorrows of Over-Achievers
- 10. You Are Not What You Earn
- 11. Artistic Philanthropy
- 12. The Need to Keep Believing in Luck
- 13. On Glamour
- 14. The Incumbent Problem
- 15. How to Cope with Snobbery
- 16. On the Dangers of Success
- 17. On Doing Better Than Our Parents
- 18. Success at School vs. Success in Life
- 19. Why We Look Down on People Who Don’t Earn Very Much
- 20. What Is 'Success'?
- 21. On Children and Power
- 22. On Pleasure in the Downfall of the Mighty
- 23. On Status and Democracy
- 24. On Failure and Success in the Game of Fame
- 25. On Envy
- 26. A Philosophical Exercise for Envy
- 27. On the Envy of Politicians
- 28. On Consumption and Status Anxiety
- 29. On the Desire for Fame
- 30. On Fame and Sibling Rivalry
- 01. Why Isn't There Peace in the World?
- 02. Why Humanity Destroyed Itself
- 03. How Science Could - at Last - Properly Replace Religion
- 04. Our Forgotten Craving for Community
- 05. Why isn't the Future here yet?
- 06. On Changing the World
- 07. What Community Centres Should Be Like
- 08. The Importance of Utopian Thinking
- 09. Art is Advertising for What We Really Need
- 10. Why the World Stands Ready to Be Changed
- 11. On the Desire to Change the World
- 12. Utopian Collective Pride
- 13. Envy of a Utopian Future
- 14. Utopian Artificial Intelligence
- 15. Utopian Education
- 16. Utopian Marriage
- 17. Utopian Film
- 18. Utopian Culture
- 19. Utopian Festivals
- 20. Utopian Business Consultancy
- 21. Utopian Capitalism
- 22. Utopian Government
- 23. Utopian Media
- 24. Utopian Tax
- 25. Utopian Celebrity Culture
- 26. The Future of the Banking Industry
- 27. The Future of the Communications Industry
- 28. The Future of the Hotel Industry
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