{"id":1341,"date":"2019-06-05T14:28:00","date_gmt":"2019-06-05T14:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theschooloflife.com\/paris\/blog\/2019\/06\/05\/comment-mieux-senerver\/"},"modified":"2022-10-18T11:26:02","modified_gmt":"2022-10-18T11:26:02","slug":"comment-mieux-senerver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theschooloflife.com\/paris\/blog\/comment-mieux-senerver\/","title":{"rendered":"Comment Mieux s’Enerver ?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A priori, le chaos du monde des hommes est d\u00fb \u00e0 un exc\u00e8s de col\u00e8re. Nous connaissons (et m\u00e9prisons) les d\u00e9g\u00e2ts r\u00e2leurs\u00a0: leurs caprices, leur irrationalit\u00e9, leurs mauvaise foi\u2026 Il semble aussi que nous nous dirigeons vers un avenir qui ne va pas apaiser la col\u00e8re ambiante. De la politique \u00e0 la technologie en passant par le climat, tout semble pointer vers un monde encore moins patient, moins serein et moins compr\u00e9hensif. <\/span><\/p>\n

Bien que contre-intuitif, il est certainement plus r\u00e9aliste de faire un diagnostic oppos\u00e9 : qu\u2019importe le grondement de la foule, la racine du mal est certainement d\u00fbe \u00e0 une incapacit\u00e9 \u00e0 exprimer notre col\u00e8re avec justesse et efficacit\u00e9. G\u00e9n\u00e9ralement, nous avalons am\u00e8rement notre frustration. Une telle r\u00e9pression de nos chagrins met chacun au risque de mauvaises surprises de r\u00e9percussions inattendues. Pour chaque personne qui hausse de la voix, une vingtaine la perde.<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n

Il ne s\u2019agit pas d\u2019encourager des d\u00e9lires de rage, qui blessent des innocents et ne m\u00e8nent \u00e0 rien. L\u2019id\u00e9e n\u2019est pas de r\u00e9habiliter la barbarie, mais de d\u00e9fendre les bienfaits de dire ce que l\u2019on pense, avec calme et dignit\u00e9. Ceci ferait justice au jugement de chacun, et permet d\u2019enrichir autrui d\u2019une perspective et d\u2019opinions diff\u00e9rentes. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Il faut dire que notre incomp\u00e9tence \u00e0 nous \u00e9nerver provient probablement de motivations innocentes\u00a0: nous craignons d\u2019\u00eatre arrogant ou pr\u00e9tentieux. Nous pr\u00e9f\u00e9rons donc penser qu\u2019autrui \u2013 dans son \u00e9quipe comme dans son couple \u2013 a certainement de bonnes raisons pour agir de la sorte, qu\u2019ils sont bons dans le fond, et que ce serait les insulter que de relever un probl\u00e8me que nous ne sommes certainement pas en mesure de comprendre.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nous tenons certainement cette modestie de l\u2019enfance. C\u2019est un privil\u00e8ge de permettre \u00e0 un enfant d\u2019exprimer sa frustration \u2013 et tous les parents ne sont pas partants. Beaucoup pr\u00e9f\u00e8rent avoir un \u00ab\u00a0bon b\u00e9b\u00e9\u00a0\u00bb. Ils lui font savoir d\u00e8s le d\u00e9part que ce n\u2019est pas dr\u00f4le d\u2019\u00eatre \u00ab m\u00e9chant\u00a0\u00bb et qu\u2019ils ne se laisseront pas embobiner par des enfants. \u00a0Les caprices et les mauvaises humeurs, les plaintes et les rages n\u2019ont pas leur place dans la vie de famille. Bien qu\u2019efficace et superficiellement gratifiante sur le court-terme, cette strat\u00e9gie est souvent g\u00e9n\u00e9ratrice de ressentiment, voir de d\u00e9sordres \u00e9motionnels \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e2ge adulte. C\u2019est une chose tr\u00e8s saine de sentir que l\u2019on peut piquer des petites crises contre ses parents sans que \u00e7a compromette leur amour pour nous. Les parents m\u00fbrs ont autant de principes que de perspectives pour permettre que leurs enfants transgressent de temps en temps. <\/span><\/p>\n

Devoir \u00eatre trop bon, trop t\u00f4t, cause une forme de tristesse qui se reconnait par un grand manque d\u2019estime vis \u00e0 vis de ses propres opinions et sentiments. De fait, en couple, cette personne est susceptible de se faire \u00ab\u00a0rouler\u00a0\u00bb par son partenaire. \u00a0Etant donn\u00e9 sa \u00ab\u00a0gentille\u00a0\u00bb docilit\u00e9, cette personne est consid\u00e9r\u00e9e comme acquise et se fait subtilement humilier, men\u00e9e par le bout du nez. Au travail, une un engagement in\u00e9branlable \u00e0 la politesse, \u00e0 l\u2019empathie et \u00e0 la gentillesse peuvent fournir les bases favorables pour se faire marcher dessus. <\/span><\/p>\n

Il serait bon \u2013 par moment- de renouer avec l\u2019art n\u00e9glig\u00e9 d\u2019\u00eatre poliment p\u00e9nible. Le danger pour ceux qui ne s\u2019imposent jamais est qu\u2019ils pourraient finir par exploser, pour \u00e9vacuer tout ce qu\u2019ils retiennent. Et ce n\u2019est pas non plus id\u00e9al. L\u2019id\u00e9al serait une protestation sinc\u00e8re et ma\u00eetresse d\u2019elle-m\u00eame. \u00ab\u00a0Excuse-moi, mais tu es entrain de ruiner la vie qu\u2019il me reste, je suis d\u00e9sol\u00e9e mais tu mines mes chances d\u2019\u00eatre heureux\u00a0; je te demande pardon, mais c\u2019en est assez\u2026\u00a0\u00bb. <\/span><\/p>\n

Nous songeons souvent \u00e0 partir en vacances ou \u00e0 s\u2019aventurer dans de nouvelles activit\u00e9s. Nous sommes enthousiastes \u00e0 l\u2019id\u00e9e d\u2019apprendre une nouvelle langue ou de go\u00fbter \u00e0 de nouvelles saveurs d\u2019ailleurs. Mais l\u2019aventure la plus exotique pourrait bien se trouver \u00eatre tout pr\u00e8s de soi\u00a0: dans ses \u00e9motions, dans le courage et l\u2019audace requis pour se pr\u00eater \u00e0 l\u2019expression ma\u00eetris\u00e9e de sa col\u00e8re. C\u2019est une aventure \u00e0 port\u00e9e de mains. D\u00e8s ce soir par exemple, apr\u00e8s diner. Nous avons certainement d\u00e9j\u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9bauche du discours en t\u00eate. Il y a certainement un partenaire, un parent, un coll\u00e8gue, un enfant qui b\u00e9n\u00e9ficierait d\u2019entendre notre opinion sinc\u00e8re. Et cet \u00e9change b\u00e9n\u00e9ficierait immens\u00e9ment \u00e0 notre tension art\u00e9rielle, notre \u00e9tat \u00e9motionnel et physique. Les timides imaginent que la col\u00e8re d\u00e9truit obligatoirement tout ce qu\u2019il y a de bon. Du fait de leur \u00e9ducation \u00e9tant enfant, ils ignorent que la col\u00e8re maitris\u00e9e peut \u00eatre le fertilisant d\u2019une relation qui permet \u00e0 une entente bien moins am\u00e8re de se d\u00e9velopper, \u00e0 une dynamique constructive et positive de cro\u00eetre. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1786,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[24,61],"class_list":["post-1341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-all","tag-all","tag-relation"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nComment Mieux s'Enerver ? - Paris<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theschooloflife.com\/paris\/blog\/comment-mieux-senerver\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Comment Mieux s'Enerver ? 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