Choosing a partner is one of the most consequential and tricky decisions we will ever make. The cost of repeated failure, in terms of distress and wasted time, is immense. Partners used to be found for us by parents and society. Now we are expected to follow our feelings - and so locate people by ourselves, according to intuition. This should be an improvement, but our emotions often pull us towards hugely problematic characters and dynamics, according to a logic we seldom fully understand.
In How to Find Love, we study why we make the choices we do - and how our early experiences give us scripts of whom we can love, and how. We examine harmful repetitive patterns and the extent to which we choose people who make us unhappy.
In addition, we study the most common techniques we use to sabotage our chances of fulfilment - and why, despite their costs to us, we unwittingly engage in them. We learn how there are always more possible partners than we initially believe and how we might come to broaden our unconscious scripts of whom we can love.
This class equips us with a crucial set of insights to help us make safer, more imaginative and more effective choices in love.
The class is in a sequence with How to Make Love Last and Stay or Leave?, which together cover The School of Life’s ideas on relationships.
Our classes have been designed to give useful insights around the big themes in life. You’ll be challenged to think deeply about the issues that matter most, and provided with a space to share your thoughts, ideas and experiences with other curious, open-minded individuals.
These sessions are designed by experts and taught by members of our faculty. They include a mix of lecture, conversation and group activity. Optional homework is provided for those interested in further study.
An Introduction to The School of Life
To get an idea of what to expect from classes, workshops and events in our classroom, watch this short film.