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04
Jul
marriage

How we end up marrying the wrong people

Anyone we could marry would, of course, be a little wrong for us. It is wise to be appropriately pessimistic here. Perfection is not on the cards. Unhappiness is a constant. Nevertheless, one encounters some couples of such primal, grinding mismatch, such deep-seated incompatibility,...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
03
Jul
loveimage

Why you are so annoyed by what you once admired

One of the things that makes us fall in love with people is realising they can do something we can't. We get attracted to people who seem capable and at ease with parts of life in which we struggle. Perhaps they are very...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
01
Jul
bride2

Why might one still bother with marriage?

It’s tempting to think of marriage as old fashioned. Why not just live with someone and be done with it? What need for a public ceremony? Why the weird traditions that people normally keep away from: all those churches, temples, hymns, vows and prayers?...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
30
Jun
houseofcards

If it wasn't for you…

There are many nice things we want, but are somehow a little scared of getting, because they are bound up with risks and subtle inner complications we don't quite have a handle on: we may - at some deep level - be scared...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
29
Jun
wires

Why the fear of rejection never goes away – even when you are in a committed relationship

There are sweet moments – early on in relationships – when one person can’t quite work up the courage to let another know just how much they like them. They’d love to touch the other’s hand and find a place in their life;...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
25
Jun
heartpostits

How love stories ruin our love lives

It sounds strange to ask what a novel might be for. We tend not to wonder too much what role made-up stories should have in our lives. Generally we suppose we just read them for entertainment. Yet that is to be unstrategic about a...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
20
Jun
paper

Why you’re (probably) not a great communicator

One of the ideals of modern relationships is that both parties will be ‘good communicators’. ‘Communication’ is held to lie at the heart of a thriving partnership. But what is ‘communication’? It isn’t - of course - merely talking. One wouldn’t count as a good...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
12
Jun
3

Why you resent your partner

One of the couple has been out all day: they’ve been to three meetings, grappled with a failing supplier, cleared up (hopefully) a misconception about tax rebates and sought to bring the new CEO on side with a scheme for a client conference that...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
11
Jun
child

Why – when it comes to children – love may not be enough

Anyone of childbearing age will be surrounded by examples of catastrophic parenting in their own and previous generations. We hear no end of gruesome stories about breakdowns and resentments, shame and addiction, chronic failures of self-confidence and inabilities to form satisfying relationships. And at the...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
10
Jun
heart2

When is one ready to get married?

It used to be when you’d hit certain financial and social milestones: when you had a home to your name, a set of qualifications on the mantelpiece and a few cows and a parcel of land in your possession. But when, under the influence...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail
05
Jun
dominos

How projection makes you hard to live with

You’re flicking through a fashion magazine and playfully suggest that your partner might want to make a few experiments with their wardrobe. How about a different pair of jeans or a new T-shirt, a duffle coat or platform heels? But at the mention of...
Posted by The Philosophers' Mail

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